Did my final weigh-in on Saturday morning. Ended up down 20 pounds and 6.5 inches in the waist. You'd think I'd be really happy again but the whole thing just went down crappy. First, I was one pound short of my "half a person" goal (going from 264 to 132 = half a person). I know it's only one pound but some of that final number was sauna work and limited food/liquid intake so I'm really more than a single pound away. Second, after weighing in, the trainer at the desk proceeded to tell my why I wasn't going to win. WHAT THE HELL? He told me there were a couple of people who finished in the 20+ loss category. I asked if they all were as small as me when they started and he said no but he was pretty sure this one guy who weighed 280 pounds was going to beat me. He said the guy was already up to 20 pounds as of last week. Apparently this trainer doesn't get the concept of ratio-based math. The whole time he was talking I was doing the calculations in my head: to equal my percentage of weight lost, this guy would have to lose nearly 37 pounds and since he was only at 20 the previous week, he would have to lose 17 pounds over the course of seven days. I didn't challenge the trainer with these statistics because I was too busy trying not to pass out and get some liquids back into my system. But needless to say it really pissed my off and put me in a funk. I started thinking about the fact that this trainer has been talking about this other contestant before and how close the two of us were when we weighed in 2 weeks ago. It almost seemed like the trainer wanted this guy to win over me. I seriously began to wonder if the trainer was even willing to fudge the numbers to help this guy win.
So I've been a crappy mood all weekend what with me being short on my goal and dissed at the weigh-in and things have just gotten worse throughout Sunday evening. I was all set to take a week off from training to let my body rest but I'm having a harder and harder time with it. I get into this panicked state that I'm going to gain a whole bunch of weight back if I'm not at the gym. I actually ate some fattening food over the weekend (although I couldn't finish most of it) and the idea that I can't immediately get to the gym on Monday to burn it off is freaking me out. Then I start compromising with myself. I thought "Maybe I'll take a yoga class on Tuesday." Stretching isn't really working out and I'm really tight from the intense training. But then I remembered that kickboxing is right after yoga and maybe I should stay for that because it's only 45 minutes and that's not so much. Nevermind the fact that I must've overdone it this last week because my left Achilles tendon really hurts and I should probably be off my feet. Everyone is telling me I've lost enough and that I don't want to get too skinny and blah, blah, blah. Why do they make me feel guilty for wanting to continue working out? Why do I feel guilty if I don't?
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